A story that must been told

One night... like always. On the block of the street.
I was finding myself in some kind of a pub.

Sitting at the bar
just sitting...waiting, for what I don't know.
dunk a couple of beers....

I had enough off all this
called myself a cap.

laying down my last euro's
on the bar...

Cap arrived....
banging on that horn.
No patience any more these days.

"To Sint.Cathrina str. 56C, please."
"What is a young lady like yourself doing up so late?"
"Nothing special."
"Mmm.. those damn cops never sleep."

A man with a uniform stepped out off the policecar, coming closer to the cap.
Making a sign... with his hands.

"Good evening sir, could I see your licens"
"Good evening sir to you to, uhh well offersir it is like this..
it's already late and I was going ...."
"Madam could step out of the vehicle?"

I steped out. Thinking that walking would go faster. I stand out side in the cold.
Looking at my feet.
A way for the cap. Something was going on there.
But would it be wise to interupt? I had already enough problems...

"Madam, I'm sorry but this man can't drive any more."
"Oh no problem, I can walk."
"I could drive u home madam."
"No need officer, I can handle it."

So off I went... into the cold of darkness.
Luck wasn't on my side... but still I had the world in my hand.
Beautiful things in this life weren't seen by the "ordinary people"

Laughing into nothing... only my own mind could know what I thought.
We are all special.
While thinking of that I was walking through the night.
Destiny... I had but also roam around is a destination to...

.............

My head, my memorie
nothing like... like some one cut a part out of my life
only a flash of light.

..............


Screaming....
Words you don't want to hear.
Blood, desire, fear
I can't put those things on paper..
no words
no sounds
no image
only feelings

...............

Next morning, I wasn't myself me I
looking around me.

elimination , liquidation , terminating

Like war... I thought it would ever end.

anxious, fear, afraid, frightened, scared...

those words say nothing... about this feeling.

.............

pangs of death

...............

I couldn't....
I was standing for hours in the shower...
it wasn't getting off me
it didn't matter how long I would scrub myself
I could never wash it off me...
Burnt the clothes.

Breathing in the air....of evil?
Burning in my eyes....
bleeding..
from my heart.

I still feel it...
see it.....
The pain...
so fresh in my memorie...

After all those years I still remember.

I could never forget this...
never...ever.....

But looking in the past isn't an option any more for me...
I look forward to....

the future...... it will be a secret ...what I still wonder.